I have long insisted that we attract to our lives what our sub-conscience accepts as our internal most rooted beliefs, i.e., the ones we are not even aware we are nourishing and, most of all, that determine our choices and actions.
I am persuaded that the relationships we establish in each step of our lives are attracted and determined by our “personal truths”, what we consider consistent, coherent and acceptable.
It can seem very easy to identify what determines such relationships. But, however sure I am that our belief is our sentence, I am also sure that it is only through deep introspection, courage and availability to decrypt our deepest concepts that we will get to know our beliefs and transform them.
Generally (and I would say most of the time), we know very little or almost nothing about the beliefs we have absorbed during the first twenty years of our lives. This is when people close to us always have something to give us “as pure truth”, should it be through words or attitudes. We therefore accept from them what is not necessarily true for us.
Only when we recognize ourselves as adults completely responsible for our own lives (without accusing our father, mother, fate, social, physical or financial condition, or whoever), can we face this pile of beliefs and, definitively, discard what is unnecessary, adequate what suits us and completely assume what we believe in. Only then, will we consciously choose our beliefs and, so, decide what our sentence is.
The love you offer, the way you accept it and the relationships you live definitively depend on your beliefs about affection, dating, marriage, sweetness, companionship, fidelity, trust, respect and admiration.
It is not enough to repeat endlessly that you would like to find someone to share your life with, that you want your marriage to work out, that all you want is to be happy in your love life if, deeply inside yourself, you do not believe this is feasible.
Perhaps you think you do; perhaps would you even like to believe so; but it is not enough to just “want” or “think”; you have to transform your internal beliefs, acknowledge them as being yours and, through a deep and dedicated work, “vomit” them as poisons and reabsorb them as positive beliefs that will lead you to success, realisation and to the certainty you can conquer what you desire.
How is this possible? I would love to tell you it is easy, but I would lie if I said so. WHAT I can tell you is that it is completely possible, more than you think it is. You must start to observe yourself the longest you can, open-heartedly, without criticizing or defending yourself.
For instance: what do you really think, deep inside you, when someone tells you a relationship is really working out fine? Do you think: “Waw! Fantastic! Hope it will last! Wish them happiness!”, or “Come on… no relationship goes on like that! It is pure invention or exaggeration!”.
And if someone tells you that many men want to engage in a serious relationship and that many women are not interested, do you think: “How wonderful such people exist”, or do you mumble: “Yea.. and I am Santa Claus…”!?!!
This is a good start for you to know what you really believe in. Because your real beliefs are spotted by that little soft voice you constantly hear inside yourself, and that you usually try to hide and interpret differently. Pay attention and think of it!!
You can feel you have been discovered and even feel ashamed, as if you were naked in front of yourself, having to look at beliefs you had never admitted you were nourishing… but it is only after you get hold of each one that you will know where to put them: inside or outside yourself.
My wish is that you start to believe that it is possible to love and to be loved, and that you have to make the first step. And most of all, you have to know that the kind of love you attract is exactly the one that corresponds to your beliefs: the love you get is the love you believe in!!
Rosana Braga é Especialista em Relacionamento e Autoestima, Autora de 9 livros sobre o tema. Psicóloga e Coach. Busca através de seus artigos, ajudar pessoas a se sentirem verdadeiramente mais seguras e atraentes, além de mostrar que é possível viver relacionamentos maduros, saudáveis e prazerosos.
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Publicado por Rosana Braga
em STUM WORLD
