I’ve already received many messages from the readers asking me to write about "virtual love", that a bigger number of people live in the Internet, either in chat rooms, either through exchanges of messages. But only now, not knowing the reason, I really felt inspired to write about this "admirable new world"...
The forms of communication are more sophisticated and practical. The profiles allow each time more data. Beyond the old ones - and almost old fashioned (?) e-mails - now there is also Orkut, MSN, Skipe, webcams, among others tools that gives the clear sensation to them to be each time more close to the other, no matter who this other is or where he is...
I do not want to fall in the temptation to say that everything is excellent only when it is a professional relation and even about friendship; perhaps I’m really stubborn in not believing that the love can invade the virtual world, beyond time and space and flooding hearts that we do not know where, nor who, nor when... perhaps tomorrow, perhaps never... perhaps always, without never having been...
Then, not to radicalize, I will try to explain my reasons, even because - I confess! – I myself have, in the past, already tried the witchcraft of this virtual net that can struggle so many hearts interminably waiting for a simple and absolute message...
Today, I really do not trust all this. I know, you can claim: "I know couples that met on the Internet and are together until today”... Very well! I also know, truly!
However, I count them in the fingers of one only hand, while all my fingers are not enough to count the cases that I already had heard on pain, tears, disillusionment, resentments, anxiety, unreliability, reinforcement of low auto-esteem, among others feelings that makes me consider risky and excessively inconsistent such way of love...
Without counting that, definitively, I bet much more in everything that it is not possible through the screen of the computer. I believe in the subtlety of the meeting, eyes in the eyes, smiles almost hugging, searching words, guessing something to show a direction… things that in the Internet are excessively missing, excessively vulnerable, excessively lost.
In my opinion, all the fragility of the virtual relations, even if still full of declaration and oaths of love, is the easiness that people have of being who they are not, or who they would like to be, but do not have the courage and do not consider themselves capable in such a way...
Then, the words are typed, but they do not have soul. The feelings are described, but they do not contain depth. The meetings are idealized, but they do not have achievement force, they do not have availability enough to happen... because they are, over all, disabled for the fear of rejection, for the excesses performed without notion; the real conditions ignored on behalf of the fleeting forbidden desires...
This way, who is on the other side, fully immersed in this picture, does not understand... Asking what has happened, what was wrong, what could have been, lived, direction, shared... without never really having at least heard the gasping breath of the other in search of a love that could be real.
And if I could give an advice, I would say that the virtual meetings can be an excellent start, but they do not live in a place that does not exist. It is necessary to become real as soon as possible, avoiding all expectations that no one is capable to handle.
The love in the singular is platonic, a gift that you keep in your heart like a jewel kept in the safest drawer, locked, where nobody can see. If it’s love in the singular that you search, the Internet is perhaps the ultimate place.
However, if it’s love in the plural that you wish, lived between two hearts, this is only possible if meetings take place. Not necessarily today, but has to be some place, sometime... so that it does not get lost in the illusion of the mind, so lost in the constant doubts of contradictory, suspicious, empty and, at the same time, so without direction when it comes to recognize the true feelings.
Love follows the heart’s path and not that of the inexistent virtual world.
Rosana Braga é Especialista em Relacionamento e Autoestima, Autora de 9 livros sobre o tema. Psicóloga e Coach. Busca através de seus artigos, ajudar pessoas a se sentirem verdadeiramente mais seguras e atraentes, além de mostrar que é possível viver relacionamentos maduros, saudáveis e prazerosos.
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Publicado dia 3/18/2005 3:36:14 PM em STUM WORLD
